Weird Science
Weird Science should be the title of the USDA's effort to get American beef back on the Japanese dinner table. It’s also the title of a oddly prescient movie that gave Anthony Michael Hall his 15 minutes of fame way back in 1985.
Mr. Hall played a hopeless and dateless high school nerd who solved his social relationship problem with some weird science. Along with his best bud Ian, he used primitive computer science to creat Lisa, a drop dead gorgeous artificial humanoid wet dream played by Kelly LeBrock. She was, of course, a fantasy creature destined to disappear at the end of the movie.
In one scene, Ian’s brother, Chet, a gung ho, Marine-type, no-nonsense jerk played by a young Bill Paxton at his scenery chewing best, tries to bring his little brother back to reality by knocking on his forehead and yelling “Hello, hello, anybody home?
Of course, no one was at home and ‘hilarity ensues’ as they say in the movie and television review business.
So call me Chet already but somebody needs to knock on the USDA’s front door --- or maybe some high-placed USDA official’s forehead --- and ask rudely if anybody is home.
Yesterday, the Associated Press’ Libby Quaid wrote a story headlined, “U.S. Wants Japan to Resume Beef Shipments.” Yeah, no kidding? That's a classic understatement along the lines of the Cubs want to win a pennant or the KC Royals will lose 100 games again. Quaid said Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns “wants to persuade Japan to resume U.S. beef shipments before deciding whether to scale back tests for mad cow disease.”
“Hello, hello, anybody home?”
The Japanese, already really leery of our ability to manage our meat business after the Atlantic Veal fiasco, are suggesting that testing every animal that’s harvested with the intent of sending its meat to Tokyo might be a good idea. In the polite world of Japanese negotiation, a statement like that is really a non-negotiable demand. As Larry the Cable Guy says, “Get ‘er done.” Or get out of town.
Talking about their long-announced plan to reduce testing, Johann said during a Monday interview, "We just haven't been in a hurry. We would like to see if we can get things straightened out with Japan and some of our other trading partners."
And then drop back – way back – on testing? He'll have to go all the way to Adelaide to find a source of beef for Japan if he makes that ill-advised decision.
What he just told the Japanese with that off-the-cuff comment is “We want your business but as soon as you agree to reopen your markets to American beef, we might want to change our minds about our BSE testing requirements. Trust us. We wouldn’t lie to you.”
Uh-huh. Don't worry about a thing.
It’s not like American beef producers who want to compete with a growing and aggressive Australian presence in Japan can go ahead and test on their own. The USDA closed that door when they told Creekstone two years ago that a company can’t make a market-driven business decision to do BSE testing, claiming it isn’t “legal.” Only the feds have the right to test and as long as the big four packers react to the idea with alarm, they aren't going to change their mind.
Two days of talks are set to begin today in Tokyo between a U.S. Department of Agriculture team led by Chuck Lambert, under secretary for marketing and regulatory programs and Japanese foreign affairs, health and agriculture ministry officials. The Japanese market is worth millions to U.S. beef producers but Johanns’ comments will make those talks problematic and hogtie Lambert’s effort at reaching an accord this year.
In diplomatic terms, the two groups will have "a frank and open exchange of viewpoints" meaning they'll get nowhere.
Creekstone’s recent suit to force the USDA to allow blanket testing just gained greater importance. It’s no longer one small packer’s effort to comply with a single trading partner’s request; it’s an effort to allow free market forces, not outmoded government policies, to shape our working relationships with major trading partners around the world.
Mr. Hall played a hopeless and dateless high school nerd who solved his social relationship problem with some weird science. Along with his best bud Ian, he used primitive computer science to creat Lisa, a drop dead gorgeous artificial humanoid wet dream played by Kelly LeBrock. She was, of course, a fantasy creature destined to disappear at the end of the movie.
In one scene, Ian’s brother, Chet, a gung ho, Marine-type, no-nonsense jerk played by a young Bill Paxton at his scenery chewing best, tries to bring his little brother back to reality by knocking on his forehead and yelling “Hello, hello, anybody home?
Of course, no one was at home and ‘hilarity ensues’ as they say in the movie and television review business.
So call me Chet already but somebody needs to knock on the USDA’s front door --- or maybe some high-placed USDA official’s forehead --- and ask rudely if anybody is home.
Yesterday, the Associated Press’ Libby Quaid wrote a story headlined, “U.S. Wants Japan to Resume Beef Shipments.” Yeah, no kidding? That's a classic understatement along the lines of the Cubs want to win a pennant or the KC Royals will lose 100 games again. Quaid said Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns “wants to persuade Japan to resume U.S. beef shipments before deciding whether to scale back tests for mad cow disease.”
“Hello, hello, anybody home?”
The Japanese, already really leery of our ability to manage our meat business after the Atlantic Veal fiasco, are suggesting that testing every animal that’s harvested with the intent of sending its meat to Tokyo might be a good idea. In the polite world of Japanese negotiation, a statement like that is really a non-negotiable demand. As Larry the Cable Guy says, “Get ‘er done.” Or get out of town.
Talking about their long-announced plan to reduce testing, Johann said during a Monday interview, "We just haven't been in a hurry. We would like to see if we can get things straightened out with Japan and some of our other trading partners."
And then drop back – way back – on testing? He'll have to go all the way to Adelaide to find a source of beef for Japan if he makes that ill-advised decision.
What he just told the Japanese with that off-the-cuff comment is “We want your business but as soon as you agree to reopen your markets to American beef, we might want to change our minds about our BSE testing requirements. Trust us. We wouldn’t lie to you.”
Uh-huh. Don't worry about a thing.
It’s not like American beef producers who want to compete with a growing and aggressive Australian presence in Japan can go ahead and test on their own. The USDA closed that door when they told Creekstone two years ago that a company can’t make a market-driven business decision to do BSE testing, claiming it isn’t “legal.” Only the feds have the right to test and as long as the big four packers react to the idea with alarm, they aren't going to change their mind.
Two days of talks are set to begin today in Tokyo between a U.S. Department of Agriculture team led by Chuck Lambert, under secretary for marketing and regulatory programs and Japanese foreign affairs, health and agriculture ministry officials. The Japanese market is worth millions to U.S. beef producers but Johanns’ comments will make those talks problematic and hogtie Lambert’s effort at reaching an accord this year.
In diplomatic terms, the two groups will have "a frank and open exchange of viewpoints" meaning they'll get nowhere.
Creekstone’s recent suit to force the USDA to allow blanket testing just gained greater importance. It’s no longer one small packer’s effort to comply with a single trading partner’s request; it’s an effort to allow free market forces, not outmoded government policies, to shape our working relationships with major trading partners around the world.
posted by Chuck Jolley at Tuesday, March 28, 2006
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